Let me introduce myself
So let me introduce myself. Who is the person behind this blog Positively PanDA? Let me start by saying my name is Mel and at time of writing I am 41 years old, soon to be 42. Boy do I feel old saying that and to be honest I am not quite sure how I got here. So let's start from the beginning!
I was born in Southend, Essex and spent the majority of my younger years living in Leigh-on-Sea with my parents, my older brother and younger sister. I remember so much happiness growing up there from my primary school at Westleigh, Brownies and Guides clubs, visiting the beaches, Rossi's ice cream, Hadleigh Castle and my absolute passion horse riding. I spent one glorious year at secondary school before my family moved cross country to Salisbury in Wiltshire. From coastal town to rolling hills and fields..... cue the onset of horrendous eye swelling, snot and sneezing......damn hayfever!!!
Growing up I had always wanted to be a vet. I adored animals, I was still horse riding regularly would try and save any living animal that was on the verge of death. I remember regularly collecting half dead mice and keeping them in a box willing them to survive. To be honest not much has changed. Only the other week I was nurturing a newly hatched bird about the size of a brazil nut that appeared to have been flung from it's nest. Having done well at secondary school, I chose my A-Level subjects in Biology Chemistry and German based on my desire to become a vet, however sixteen is an interesting and tempting age for girls especially back in the day when you could get away with a lot more and it wasn't so expensive to do so. I had got myself a Saturday job at WH Smith and used what measly wage I got to socialise and drink up the pub. Friends, boys, drinking and smoking was far too enticing for me, and with Chemistry proving impossibly difficult for me at A-Level I began to lose interest (or perhaps it was a loss of confidence) in becoming a vet. The alternative was much easier and lets face it much more fun.
So naturally leaving school I started work as a bar maid up the local. I used to work weekday lunchtimes and was known for always giving a "good half" to the regular lunch crew. I really enjoyed it and used to hang out after shift sometimes with the landlady Vicky. I would be back up there in the evenings as customer and was part of the dart and pool teams. So many stories I could tell you from those days, but some of the best were experienced on ladies darts night where we had gained a bit of a reputation for showing up to our matches already half cut and yet somehow miraculously managed to win the league. There was a pub minibus and Mark who was the regular minibus driver used to ferry the teams back and forth. It would always end up in a rowdy drunken sing song on the way back to the local for last orders, one of the favourites being the murdering of Total Eclipse of the Heart.
They were great times and we got up to so much more than I dare to admit, but underlying all that was my desire to settle down and have children. I had always known that I wanted children. I had watched my mum working in playgroups and nurseries and adored the times that I was able to go into work with her to "help". I held on to the belief that having children was what I was put on this earth to do and that I would be great at it. But with so much hope of becoming a mother, came the fear of not being lucky enough for it to happen and it was something I was really scared of. I never took it for granted that it would happen.
I met Tony when I was 19 years old unsurprisingly working my job at the pub. He was a Friday lunchtime regular as he finished on a half day and he was quite the charmer . He was 12 years older than me, but that didnt matter to me. In fact I kind of liked it because I always felt like I had quite a mature head on my shoulders and wanted to settle down. The men my age seemed so immature. I changed job to full time office work in the pensions sector and we were together just over 3 years before we decided to try for children. I had been on the Depo-Provera contraceptive injection for many years which I loved because it got rid of my periods completely, but what I hadn't reckoned on was how long it would take to get out of my system. My periods finally returned to normal about 6 months after but what followed were months of disappointment each time that mother nature came around.
I was at work on Christmas Eve 2002 and had been feeling a bit not quite right for a few days. Something made me decide to go to the chemist that lunchtime and buy myself a pregnancy test. I went back to the office and scurried into the toilet cubicle pulling the test out of my bag. I as I pee'd on the stick I daren't get my hopes up, feeling half hopeful and half terrified it would be negative again!!. The complete shock, surprise and sheer joy I felt as that second line appeared was indescribable. I wanted to tell the world but I couldn't, so with a hidden grin I went back to work. My plan was to keep it a secret and to announce it to Tony on Christmas Day, but I just couldn't keep it in and blurted it out almost as soon as I got into the car that evening after work.
I really enjoyed pregnancy and I revelled in every new experience it brought as well as my growing bump. Our first bundle of joy, a baby boy arrived at 4.25pm on 23 August 2003 weighing a healthy 8lbs 4oz. Being a Mum in the early weeks was a massive shock to the system and much harder than I expected it to be , however I did adjust and around 10 weeks in things started to feel like we were getting more sleep and falling into a reasonable routine. I was enjoying it and took part in baby clubs and baby massage with some of the other mums I had met through my ante natal classes. Around 9 months later we were blessed with the news that I was pregnant for the second time. and my number two very speedily entered the world, (explosively showering the male trainee midwife in amniotic fluid) at 5.35am on 03 February 2005 weighing 8lb 5oz.
......and thats where the story really begins.
